Mike Barish
New York, NY, USA - http://www.twitter.com/mikebarish
Mike Barish is a freelance writer living in New York City. His travels always involve strange foods, plenty of whiskey and sporting events. He tends to overpack.
Click on a label to read posts from that part of the world.
SkyMall Monday: Branding Irons
I lost my meat today. It's gone. Don't mourn its loss. No, this is no time for sorrow. When a man's meat is pilfered by a no-good poacher, well, that there's a time for revenge. Time spent cryin' is time spent dyin'. That's what my grandpappy used to say. He was shot in the head while cryin'. Damn shame. But back to my meat. I reckon my neighbor done gone and pilfered it. I can't be having meat just up and disappearin' from the SkyMall Monday SkyMall Monday: Wild Lawn Ornaments
I keep myself safely secluded in the SkyMall Monday headquarters. It's built inside a mountain, under several hundred feet of granite, in a secure and secret location. This protects me from the fearsome animals that I now assume rule the Earth. While I fear all wildlife and assume that they are out to get me (and/or my Lucky Charms), I do enjoy their decorative properties. But how can I take advantage of the aesthetic qualities of our furry, feathered and scaled friends without being bitten, constricted or dry humped? Taxidermy is expensive and requires first killing animals before they have a chance to kill me. That seems not only difficult but likely to involve unseemly people who peddle in taxidermy and will most certainly make me uncomfortable. That leaves only one viable option for harnessing the majestic beauty of creatures both real, imagined and extinct: lawn ornaments. Lawn ornaments tell everyone in your neighborhood that you're classy and bored. But where can I satiate my appetite for animal lawn ornaments? Who would have such a buffet of faux-fauna? Who could possibly...oh, come on, you know the answer to these questions. It's SkyMall's time to shine! Leave your tranquilizer darts and nets at home. You won't need them on this safari. Simply pack your imagination and obliviousness to your tacky sense of style. We're hunting wild lawn ornaments.In the Corner of the World: Queenstown
Queenstown is a seemingly quaint town that resides in the shadow of the Southern Alps on New Zealand's South Island. Walking its streets, one could easily mistake it for Boulder, Colorado. But like the American town that it resembles, Queenstown's quiet appearance belies an adventurous spirit that pervades the people and activities that make this hamlet a popular tourist destination all year round. I spent roughly 36 hours in Queenstown and was consistently amazed by its natural beauty and friendly population.
How does a town of 10,000 people become a mecca for tourists? The proximity to some of New Zealand's best ski fields certainly helps. But Queenstown is also the self-proclaimed "jet boat capital of the world" and the birthplace of commercial bungee jumping operations. For adrenaline junkies, Queenstown is a playground for the imagination.
Gallery: Queenstown, NZ
In the Corner of the World: Fox Glacier
The thought of hiking a glacier evokes images of arctic expeditions involving months of travel and thousands of dollars worth of gear. You don't expect anyone to ever describe a trip to a glacier as "convenient" or the hike as "leisurely." But leave it to New Zealand to do everything differently, including seemingly arduous outdoor activities. New Zealand's Fox Glacier is one of the world's most accessible glaciers and provides an opportunity for adventurers of varying aptitudes to explore one of nature's disappearing wonders.
Fox Glacier is a mere ten minute drive from the local township and a few hundred meters from the car park that has been built for visitors. And since it resides within Westland National Park, it's free for anyone who wants to come and take a gander. But if you want to truly experience the glacier by hiking on its icy terrain, your best bet is to hire a guide, strap on some crampons and get out there with the proper gear and supervision.
Fox Glacier is a mere ten minute drive from the local township and a few hundred meters from the car park that has been built for visitors. And since it resides within Westland National Park, it's free for anyone who wants to come and take a gander. But if you want to truly experience the glacier by hiking on its icy terrain, your best bet is to hire a guide, strap on some crampons and get out there with the proper gear and supervision.
Gallery: Fox Glacier
Top Ten Reasons that Road Trips Rock
In the Corner of the World: TranzAlpine Train
Railway travel just isn't what it used to be. Gone are the fastidiously dressed conductors checking their pocket watches before yelling, "All aboard!" Gone, too, are the eager young porters loading trunks into the luxury cars of well-heeled travelers. It's the era of air travel and checked baggage fees, and we may all be worse off because of it. Sure. you can still take trains domestically and abroad, but rail travel has become antiquated and overlooked. However, those with a sense of adventure and a desire to slow things down can still find railway trips that not only get you to your desired location, but do so while enhancing your trip. One such journey exists on the South Island of New Zealand. All aboard the TranzAlpine railway.
Gallery: TranzAlpine Railway
In the Corner of the World: In & Around Auckland
With a population of around 1.5 million people, Auckland is no bustling metropolis. Heck, it's not even the capital of New Zealand (go ahead, look it up - I'll wait). It is, however, the country's largest city and the hub for most international flights coming into the country. For Americans flying from Los Angeles and San Francisco, it is their first taste of Kiwi culture (though not kiwi birds). While it's a small city, there is plenty to do in and around Auckland if you know where to look. I recently made my second trip to City of Sails and was reminded of how quirky it can be and amazed at the natural beauty that exists just outside the the city limits.
Gallery: In & Around Auckland
Would you want Bob Dylan to voice your GPS?
Earlier today, we ran a poll asking readers if they prefer their GPS devices to have a male or female voice? Andy Murdock, an astute reader, left us a comment pointing out that Bob Dylan is in negotiations to voice a GPS unit. Sure, Dylan's a music legend and an icon, but is his voice conducive to getting me from Point A to Point B?I've seen Dylan in concert. I would consider myself a fan. I've understood about six words I've heard him speak in interviews. He sounds like he keeps marbles in his mouth. I need my GPS to sound clear and keep me advised of my route. The last thing I need is Bob Dylan warbling, "The speed limits they are a changin'," as I approach a school zone.
This news did get me thinking, though. What celebrities would I want to voice my GPS? Eartha Kitt would be amusing. And everything is better when voiced by Morgan Freeman. Christopher Walken does a great Lady Gaga, but not sure he could spit out turn-by-turn directions quickly enough for my taste.
Different strokes for different folks, I suppose. Having Bob Dylan tell you to turn left is a good idea for someone. But it ain't me, babe.
What celebrity would you want to voice your GPS? Leave us a comment below.
Photo by Flickr user ♣Tigerlily ♣.
Poll: Is your GPS male or female?
I've been in plenty of cars on several continents that had GPS units. I've heard robotic male Aussies instruct me through a roundabout and seductive French women tell me to U-turn in 300 meters. And for giggles, I've set the devices to Chinese, Portuguese and several other languages that I do not speak or understand simply to hear them come out of a tiny box mounted on my windshield. But, at the end of the day, I need to hear my directions in English and I like to hear them dictated in a woman's voice (particularly one with a sensual British accent). I'm not sure what that says about me, but it's the truth.What about you? Do you set your GPS to a male or female voice? Vote in our poll and explain your preference in the comments below.
Photo by flickr user Jimmy_Joe.
SkyMall Monday: Underwater Cell Phone System
Here at the SkyMall Monday headquarters, the motto is "Be Prepared...Always" I considered copying the Boy Scouts' motto verbatim, but I just can't support any organization that places so much emphasis on neckerchiefs. That said, I like to be ready for any situation, and thankfully the SkyMall catalog anticipates every situation imaginable (and some that only a person on a tremendous amount of hallucinogens could possibly consider). So, while some people are content with put their faith in maps, GPS systems and charts, I require a Plan D. I need to know that, at any time, I can contact my SkyMall Monday support team for assistance. As I often find myself 40 meters underwater and completely lost, I can't be trying to read a soggy AAA TripTik with outdated notes about speed traps. No, I need real help. Thankfully, SkyMall anticipated this completely common and harrowing situation and responsibly chose to distribute a product that can help me when nothing else can. The next time I'm disoriented below sea level, I'm going to call the Gadling editors and ask for help on my Underwater Cell Phone System.
